A sandwich so dangerously hot, it makes Satan cry like a little bitch.
Ground Hamburger (at least 75/20... Getting lean meat is gonna taste like shit!)
Oscar Meyer Beef Hot Dogs
Cheese (for hotter results, use Pepper jack Cheese)
Ore Ida French Fries
Hormel Chili with Beans
Mexican Chili Peperinos (Chili Pepper Pods)
Goya Salsita Salsa Picante Hot Sauce
Bacon (or pre-cooked if you desire)
Hormel Pepperoni Slices
Crushed Red Pepper
Powdered Black Pepper
Flour (or Pancake Batter)
Wasabi Horse Radish
Tiger Hot Sauce
Chinese Hot Mustard
A-1 Bold & Spicy Steak Sauce
French Bread (if you can't find any, use generic sub sandwich bread, i.e. Wheat)
Tums (you're gonna need 'em!)
Alka Seltzer (you're gonna need 'em!)
Pepto-Bismol (you're gonna need the pink stuff for sure!)
Note: Wash hands thoroughly before handling your ground hamburger or wear rubber gloves.
Add into bowl. Cut into chunks or grate the cheese until it has a nice, fluffy pillowy appearance.
Ground Hamburger preparation:
Take a fistful of hamburger and begin rolling it into a big ball until nice and smooth, and smash it down with the palm of your hand until you have a large raw beef patty. Make a total of four large beef patties for the hot dogs.
Beef Hot Dog preparation:
Take eight hot dogs out of the package and give them a good rinse. Coat the franks thoroughly in the flour (or pancake batter if you desire) until it is powdery and clumpy. This means that you have double-breaded the weenies! Lay the hot dogs out on the hamburger patties, fold the hamburger over them firmly until it "encases" the weenies inside. Give it a good squeeze to ensure the hamburger is tightly wrapped around the franks.
Hormel Chili with Beans:
Open one can of Hormel Chili w/ Beans and place into a small pot (if this is for two people, use two cans, if for more than one person, use two big cans) and put on medium heat (i.e. 5) and let cook until Chili starts bubbling.
Take one pound of Jalapeno Peppers and cut into slices, placing them into a bowl.
The heat is usually found in the Habanero pepper's seed pod, so don't throw the seeds away! Dice habanero peppers along with the seeds inside and put beside your sliced Jalapeno Peppers.
Depending on how spicy or sweet you like your onions, cut into medium chunks or finely-diced pieces (like you get on McDonald's' hamburgers) and put into a bowl. For best results, cut the onions into big pieces so they will not dissolve in the frying pan.
Mix the Tiger Hot Sauce with the Goya Salsita Hot Salsa Picante and Tabasco until you get sort of a "blood red" mixture. Add Crushed Red Pepper... A lot!
Add one capful of Olive Oil to your frying pan and set on stove-top setting 6. Throw in your diced onions. If you want to add a little flavor, put in some Kikkoman's soy sauce into the grilled onions along with a small portion of black pepper for that "Steak House" taste... :)
Cook onions until golden brown. Throw onions into another skillet along with your jalapeno and habenero peppers and simmer lightly.
Put chili with beans on low heat. Take one bottle of Vegetable oil and pour into a big pot, turn on High Heat until oil comes to a boil. Drop your ham-dog weenies inside and deep fry for several minutes, reducing heat. You do not want your hamburger wrapped around your hot dogs to become black. Take your onions and hot peppers off the back burner and place into a clean bowl. Spread the desired amount of Wasabi horse radish and Chinese hot mustard on your sub sandwich bread, then sprinkle lightly with Kosher salt and black pepper for flavor. Grab your golden-fried ham-dog weenies and place on a kitchen towel to let the grease drip. Place a handful of Ore-Ida french fries (after a quick rinse under the faucet, ice crystals will cause cooking oil to splatter on you) into the hot oil and cook until golden brown. Put french fries next to ham-dogs on your kitchen towel and wait to cool.
For best results, use pre-cooked bacon. On stove top, cook bacon on low-heat for several minutes or until hot.
Crack two eggs in another buttered frying pan and cook until well-done.
Meanwhile, take your already-prepared ham-dog weenies and place on your sub sandwich bread. Evenly pour chili with beans onto the sandwich while it's still hot. Add your cooked onions, jalapenos, and habenero peppers on top of the chili, sprinkle the grated cheese to the amount that you love, lay out the two fried eggs along with the bacon on top, grab your french fries and place on top of your ham-dog sandwich, distribute the amount of pepperoni slices you want on the sandwich, pour the "blood red" hot sauce on top, open your bottle of A-1 and put one "line" serving of sauce on top.
Open your favorite bag of Potato chips, Doritos or Pork Rinds.
Break out the liquor, whiskey glasses and the ice.
Crack open your cans of beer.
This Ham-dog is only for the brave... If you succumb to heart burn, acid reflux, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea, good thing you have your tums, Alka Seltzer and Pepto-Bismol handy, baby. ;)
Serves seven people.