Important thing first, I'm on a diet right now. Falling on a diet that is. There's something that healthier people fail to understand about us fatties: WILLPOWER IS A GIFT OF BIRTH! There's a Murphy's law who say that anything good is either unhealthy, fattening or illegal and that describe perfectly the problem at hand. Is this world they are rational people whose common sense is stronger and instinctive people whose emotion and animal impulse are stronger.
In this scenario, I'm the big daddy of all instinctive people. No matter the dieting technique, how many peer pressure, my inner ape was the strongest and enslaved me to pig out. It was increasingly depressive. I knew it was for my own good, but the do it for yourself, not for the others, data doesn't want to enter my wreck of a cerebral system.
They were one only way to free myself from mental slavery, one way to break the all good thing... rule: reprogram the system with aversion therapy.
I began with the classic slap-a-rubber-band-in-your-wrist-each-time-you-cheat technique, but to not avail.
I try to sting myself with a needle, but to not avail.
I try to sting deeper to the point of actual penetration, but to not avail.
I try scarification, but to not avail.
I try to put out my nails, but to not avail.
I try to amputee my fingertips, but to not avail.
My hands were looking like a horror show, but my inner animal was still the strongest. And,once again, my feet began to move toward the kitchen, despite my brain's orders. My hands began to take two slices of breads, a pot of margarine and a knife, despite my brain's pleadings. And, then my mom appear.
Oh, please,oh, please, don't say anything , please don't say anything.
You are eating again?
FOOD MINE DON'T TOUCH, MINE, MINE, NOT YOU, MINE, FOOD MINE, DON'T TOUCH, MINE , MINE, MIIIIIIII
Yesterday was found the dead body of a woman killed with a butter knife. Alongside her they were her older son who, heavily mutilated and in an apparent feral state, was gorging himself with food...